Being a member of The Foggies Golf Society based in Mallorca (probably the worst golf society in the world) gives me the opportunity to, not only spoil a nice walk on a Saturday morning, but also to go home and kick the dog after yet another excruciatingly bad round of golf.
Just occasionally (very occasionally) the gods of golf smile down on you and you get close to a par round. On such days needless to say the dog doesn’t get kicked and I am almost civil to “She Who Must Be Obeyed” instead of the grumpy monosyllabic ogre that normally confronts her.
Deciding that the happier days were obviously much more conducive to a long and happy marriage, I needed to come up with a cunning plan to enjoy (cope) with my Saturday Soirees to the course.
Realizing that the obvious solution of knuckling down and practising more just wasn’t going to happen I eventually came up with the following idea.
If I couldn’t improve my moods by playing better golf I was determined to make my fellow members rounds more painful than mine therefore by comparison making my round almost enjoyable (not great logic I understand, but sometimes you find yourself clutching at straws)
So racking my limited mental capacity to its fullest I came up with the following idea
(Remember at the time I was the society’s captain so I was hopeful of pushing my idea through). Any member with a handicap from scratch (some chance!) to 10 paid €1 for every double bogey achieved on their Saturday round.
Members with handicaps from 11 to 19 paid €1 for every triple bogey achieved per round and the “Buzz Lightyears”(Infinity and Beyond) 20+ of the society had to stump up a €1 for every quadruple achieved.
All monies collected would at the end of the year be donated to the captains charity of choice, in my case Mediterranea.
You can imagine my surprise when the guys voted in my scheme, you should have also seen my surprise when they told me of the one proviso to the scheme they had added.
The reigning captain didn’t have to pay for his bogies (fantastic) but had to match all the members fines each week (not so fantastic)
Realizing that I couldn’t now back down without losing all credibility I accepted the new proposal ( I guess you could say justice had well and truly been done)
On the bright side however, the society eventually raised in the region of €1500 that year which was duly donated to Mediterranea.(as I said probably the worst golf society in the world).
Happily all the proceeding captains have upheld the tradition and we have continued our support of Mediterranea.
The upshot being my fellow members may be bad golfers, but they are all good guys and at least some people are benefiting from our inability to hit that little white ball!
Mike Adams
K&M Maritime Mallorca
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